Let me think about that

“Let me think about that” ought to be a fairly ordinary thing to say.

Sometimes it sounds like you're losing.

Someone makes a point you hadn't considered. You can feel the gap between what you were prepared to say and what you now need to work out. The conversation keeps moving. There are other people listening. A quick answer would let you keep your place.

So you reach for one.

I understand the temptation. I like being able to explain what I think. There is less satisfaction in discovering, halfway through explaining it, that a piece is missing. But I don't want to become so attached to sounding certain that I stop being available to the conversation.

That can happen even when the other person is irritating. Maybe especially then. A useful question doesn't become useless because someone asked it badly. An objection can deserve an answer even if I don't particularly like the person raising it.

Of course, “I need to think” can also be a way of keeping somebody waiting. I don’t want to give myself an unlimited supply of that. If someone is waiting on me, I owe them more than an indefinite pause. I can say what I need to find out and when I'll come back.

I am interested in the pause that has an intention behind it. The one where I actually let the new information interfere with the answer I was enjoying.

And I wonder how often we allow that pause in other people.

If I ask someone to reconsider, then ridicule them for hesitating, I have made continuing the argument the easier choice. If every changed position becomes proof that they never believed anything, I shouldn't be surprised when they get better at defending the old one.

I would like to be a person someone can come back to with a different answer. I would also like to be able to come back that way myself.

That seems like a decent thing to leave a little room for.